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Thoughts

It’s my birthday…

By |2019-04-26T20:12:04-05:004th April 2017|Random|

“I love you”

I can’t even begin to describe how those 3 words hurt me. Over and over and over. I just don’t have the words to explain. Only tears that flush my eyes everytime I hear them.

You were the one who were supposed to restore my faith in those words. You were the one who said you were gonna make it all ok. That you were gonna heal me.

You said “I love you”. I cried and I said I don’t believe you. But I secretly wanted to and was hoping it was true. And all that it has brought me… is worries.

“I love you”, you say, but you can’t make a commitment and tell me when I’m gonna see you again.

“I love you very much”, but you can’t even tell me when we are gonna talk again.

We fight. You leave because you have to. And you don’t call me to make it all okay. You don’t call to make sure that I’m ok. We text. I tell you that I’m not ok. And you don’t call anyway.

It’s been a week…

“I want you to be happy” you say. But you can’t even make a commitment to be there on my birthday, and it’s on a f*** SUNDAY!

I have not gone this far in my life without someone by my side, to end up being second priority.

Last time I had someone “special” in my life on that occasion was in 2007, exactly 10 years ago.

I’m not the kind of person who loves big crowds and big parties. I love intimacy. I love hanging out with just a handful of my favorite Looney Toons. Maybe just one if he’s special enough.

Guess I’m just gonna have to get used to the fact that my birthday sucks!

You say you can’t read my mind… but you don’t ask either. You just make assumptions. How are you gonna heal someone if you don’t even know what you’re healing them from ?

Anyway.

Happy Birthday to me, my fucking pride, and my disillusioned Happy Ending fantasies!

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