Being “myself”

By |2019-04-26T20:12:16-05:0024th June 2014|Random|

Genuine… what is genuine ? this singing workshop is a big slap in my face!
So many questions spinning around my head…

Be yourself… be natural, use your speaking voice… but am I not all that I do ? all my choices are they not me ? they come from my brain after all
Is my voice not mine when I tweak it here, place it in the back there, and add a rasp or a breath? it does come from my body

Just use your speaking voice… but so many artists sound nothing like when they speak… Adele doesn’t talk with an American accent and a crying rasp, nor did Amy, yet when they let out a growl and pronounce their “r”, no one questions them. And I’m pretty sure Maria Callas didn’t ask to pass the salt around the table with an operatic tone, yet when she sings, although it’s not jazz, everyone connects emotionally, no one doubted that that was her.

Be natural… but… don’t we become what we practice the most ? can’t we change ? can we not work on ourselves and shape ourselves to become what we aspire to ?

Are you saying that I sound like a joke when I open my mouth and don’t sound the same as when I pick up the phone ? Ok, I am brilliant at making fun of myself but I don’t aspire to be a parody, for some strange masochistic reasons I keep rejecting what I am good at in life, to pursue the things I can’t seem to have.
Do I need to work on “being myself” – whatever that means – and sing you lullabies, or just practice more and conquer every dimension of my voice so that I am so committed and confident with my choices of styling that no one will dare to doubt me?
I can’t answer that question…

I know I need to go through this, these are all fricking amazing teachers, this is for my good but it hurts… Listening to Brel, he understands… they all thought he was a joke until… I don’t drink so he will be my wine bottle for tonight, a replay for another glass…
Keep drowning me with your words, keep pouring them onto me, and maybe just maybe, I’ll sip some of your courage, Brel, to continue believing just like you did.
I just want to let go of it all, just… let me be

One Comment

  1. Neokortex 28/07/2019 at 13:42 - Reply

    “I just want to let go of it all, just… let me be”

    beautiful… let’s just fuck life and jump off a bridge… I’m not sure we can every be what is out elusive self, but I hope death will bring us some ultimate relief

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